I am all out of sorts today...

Now, y'all know that I am a half full glass kinda girl.

Well not today.  I am just a stick in the mud.

So let me tell you how it is...

The kids threw up all over me this weekend.

I love my husband, I really love him.  He is my best friend. 

But he cannot do throw up. I mean it is bad. He has the worst gag reflex. So I would have to clean up for two.

My son came in the room on Saturday and he said my name and then threw up right in my face. My husband could not hang. So he ran to the basement.

Then after the shower, change of the sheets and new pj's My darling husband says to Ziggy, what is the rule? He says without missing a beat. "If I feel sick, I throw up on Mama not Daddy."

Are you feeling the love?

So Sunday rolls around and I decide after the night I just had, I am running away from home. If for no other reason than the fact that my house is full of people and I do not have the energy to deal. And to be honest, I did not know that they were coming in the first place until Saturday afternoon.

I made sure that all the bathrooms were clean and that there was enough toilet paper and paper towels to keep the masses happy and off I go to B&N for the day.

I then decide to give my parents a call, why oh why did I think that was a good idea. I get there and my Dad immediately puts me to work on his new idea to get his closets organized. So with screwdriver and directions in hand, off I go to help with his new work detail.

I could have gone home to work on my own house, had I known that this was going to be how I spent the evening.

I get home and in the bed and son number two comes into my room and says Mama...

You guessed it, he threw up all over me!!  OMG. I am done stick a fork in me. I am now on my third set of sheets in less than 24 hours. My darling husband is no where to be found. If I had only put that intercom system in, I would not have had to scream to the basement for the clean set of sheets out of the dryer.

So I keep the kids home with me on Monday. I am beat, I am beat up, I am just plain exhausted.

I finally get them all to my happy place, a long needed three hour nap!!  Wooo Hoooo!!!  I may get some work done. NOT!!!  I fall asleep because I cannot keep my eyes open anymore.

Oh, let me not forget to tell you that I am going through the change. Yes, I am about to morph into a Troll.

I am sweating all the time!!  I have been bleeding like a stuffed pig for 13 days. I have called the OB/GYN and she gives me the run down of the process.  Since this is the first time that it has happened, she really wants me to weather the storm and see if it happens again next month.

NEXT MONTH!!  By next month, I would have died from external bleeding.  I would have bled out by then. You must be kidding me.

So I call up every person I know who has some form of a uterus left and start asking questions. I call my mother.  Oh why Oh why did I do that!!

She proceeds to share with me about how it was when I was younger and how she did not get a break so what was I whining about. No sympathy there. I should have known better.

Well, I wake up this morning and decide since the kids have not puked on me in the past 24 hours, they are going to school. I whisk them off not to be seen for 8 hours and then the day starts.

I get absolutely nothing done. I had the best of intentions and got nothing done.

I take a nap, still feeling like I have had the very life blood drained out of me...  OH I HAVE!!

I go get the kids, bring them home and realize that I have a meeting at school of Kindergarten for my daughter. What happened?!

Last time I looked she was preemie in the NICU and weighed only 4 pounds and could fit in the palm of my hand.

Then they tell me that I have to get her to school by 8am.  8 o'clock in the morning.

Who made that rule up? Yikes!!  I have twin boys, who are they kidding. Basically, they have now told me that I need to make two trips to school everyday.

So I put on my big girl panties and suck it and sign on the dotted line that she will be there on time. 

I come home in the rain and my husband, the man that I love, the father of my children has left the top off of the Jeep and it is pouring down raining. I mean pouring, wind blowing, lightening and thunder.

I come running in the house and he tells me that he is too tired to put the top up.

At this point, I have my epiphany. I am married to a new fool. I mean I finally get where my kids get it from. HIS SIDE OF THE FAMILY!!!

I throw my hands up in the air and run to my dungeon thinking that I am finally going to be able to get the laundry done and craft, when I realize that I have to get ready to go to Valley Forge for the second to last CKC.

My husband comes downstairs, gingerly and says that he is not going to be here this weekend and that I need to watch the kids.

WHAT THE (@)*)*_)*(!_&(&^^%%^!^

Oh hell no, I have had this schedule since February, over 5 months ago. No, you make plans for the kids. He can't, he has to leave. Leave!! Where are you going? What do you mean leave?

And can I send two emails and notarize something for him. Remembering that he is the father of my children and I need to pay the mortgage in 48 hours, I dutifully do my job.

He leaves and then I remember that I am having lunch with my mother tomorrow. Thank the heavens that I was not my usual grumpy self and I said yes.  Especially since she is paying.

So now I am thinking I can do this.

Well, why did I drink those two 5 hour energy drinks. I have 4 days of frustration and no mojo.  I have the jitters and I cannot seem to rap my hands around anything meaningful. 

Yes, I did think of his neck, but then again, he is the father of my kids.

So needless to say, I am not having a "the cup is half full day".

So I am now off to bed, hoping for a new beginning and some feminine relief.

until we meet again,

Comments

[Jenna Franklin]

Sending you some paper and glue and ink covered cyber hugs! I hope your week gets better and your weekend isn't totally messed up (yea, I'm thinking I'd have killed him...chalk one up for the "why I'm no longer married" tally!)!

[Mama Karen]

Oh, honey! not your favorite week. How I wish I could give you a hug. on the other hand, I have something else to offer your husband. But, since you love him, I'll just hold that back. Next week has got to be better.

[Mandie]

I say skip CKC and hit the nearest Sleep-in Spa for some girl time. Where ya want me to meet your at? Alanta has over 20!!!! Seriously sending hugs!

[niki]

Really, you can make it throug the week. One day at a time. No more energy drinks. They are baaaaaad.

[Maevan]

OMG, I'm laughing because I think I married your husband's twin. I showed him the blog entry and his only comment was "I could see where he was coming from". You, my friend, have just cemented your spot with the angels. BTW, my mother swears that the black cohosh tea you can get at the health stores really helps with the sweats and the flushes. Putting out a happy vibe

[Renee]

This is my first time visiting your blog. I will definately be back though. Let me know what you find for your sweats and flashes. I have not gotten there yet, but I think I am leading to that point.

[Samaraj]

Cyber hugs girlfriend. (Hand on left shoulder with all four fingers pointing down 4real, 4real!) Get your hair cut, do not imbibe caffeine and do not, I repeat...DO NOT DO BODILY HARM TO THE FATHER OF YOUR CHILDREN. I'll contemplate doing it for you!

[Jen Starr]

Oh my friend, I am laughing so hard I am snorting! LOL Been there with the husband as well as the puke unfortunately.
This too shall pass and tomorrow will be a better day : ))
Hugs and smooches from Jersey.

[Suze Weinberg]

I had to forward this post to my daughter and best friend..I have been laughing out loud, by myself, hysterically..I can picture it perfectly. You are SUCH a good writer...do a book for heaven sake!

[Trisha]

Lauren... Can I send you the bill for a new computer! I spewed my java all over it reading your post!!! lol! I also have a clone of your hubby, I am sure of it. They all of a sudden disappear when the puke starts to fly. I wonder what would happen if we went on strike.... hmmmmmmmmmmm...... something to think about! I fake a mega gag reflex if necessary, worse than his I am sure. Hope your days look up!