Hi Y'all,
I am back!!! I just needed a few minutes to regroup and put my head around some things. Of course, it was time with my family, time with my kids, time with my husband, time with me and just some reflective time.
But there is always a situation that brings on these moments in my life. So let me just start from the beginning.
I was teaching at a CKC in Buffalo a few weekends ago. I was confronted by an unhappy participant from one of my classes, 24 hours after the class had been taught.
She was obviously upset and started raising her voice. I reached out to touch her on her arm and say that I would not tolerate her speaking to me that way. She responded with some additional harsh words and told me not to touch her. With that, I stated to her that the conversation was over and I began to walk away.
As I was walking away, she said that: "NO NIGGER IS GOING TO SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT."
Now take a deep breath. The details of the exchange are never relevant. There is nothing on this planet that could ever warrant one person calling another that word.
Yes, she was white. Yes, she was older and No, I did not go to jail.
I did not respond to her the way that Jesus would. As a matter of fact, I actually got so full of rage that I blacked out for a good 10 seconds and then realized that I was not in my right mind and continued to walk away.
So now having explained why I have been silent for so long.
I spoke with friends from all over and the bottom line is this... I am going to finish teaching out all of my commitments to the scrapbooking circuit. I have committed to that and I will do it because that is just who I am.
I have not made any decisions for next year. As a matter of fact, I my first reaction was not God-like either.
When I stand in front of the class and I teach, whether it is biostatistics, medical ethics, how to craft with acrylic or just ripping and tearing paper, I give my all.
I don't cut your paper, because I do not want to relegate anyone to being a monkey with a glue stick. If you want your paper cut never take a class with me. If you want to do the sample just like the teacher, don't take my class. If you are not ready for a challenge, don't take my class.
They are not cutting your paper to make it easy on you. They are cutting your paper because they can hold down the cost of the supplies. They are cutting your paper because if you have 50 1 by 1 squares you think that you are getting more. 50 is always better than 5? NOT.
Why sit in a class and have someone tell you what to do and leave you no room to do you. You paid for that paper. You do you. No one can do you better. Let me be your muse, but never walk out of a class not having learned something.
A lady in Arlington did not know that her cutter had a flipper and she has been subtracting to get the longer cuts for months. Even after she found the flipper, she put it back underneath because she had been cutting that way for so long, she did not need it.
I have to say that I am so disappointed in where we as an industry have gone. We speak of diversity and we never go any further to follow it up with action steps. You must do. You must demand that the industry does something to represent all of us.
I am not just speaking simply about ethnicity. That woman is a truly closed minded small, trifling and frankly ignorant ass. If I did not have a class of 25 women waiting for me, I would have needed bail money. Had I not taken the 2 seconds to get it together, I am not sure what I would have done. And that part scares me more than you can even imagine.
Where are the full lines of papers that represent the GLBT community. Where are the papers representing the disabled community? And yes, I do know about the Zsaige line, but who else knows about it. Why is there only one?
Where are the paper dolls and paper lines that have people that look like me from the new millennium and not from the 1970's. I am not talking about coloring in the faces and changing the color of the hair to black. My daughter and I both are sporting a head full of long luxurious locks.
Yes, I am loud, I have an opinion and I am here to stay. If you cannot deal with it then Bless your Heart and move on. I am not going away. I am always going to speak the truth to injustice.
As my Dad always says, don't ask the question if you cannot handle a truthful answer. It is my friends job to tell me when I have toilet paper on my shoe. It is their job to tell me if I have my skirt in my panties. And I promise to do the same for them.
I am no longer simply satisfied with a few layouts in this magazine or that magazine with a diverse face every now and again. I want to know who is going to stop and realize that the world blows many of us a set of hard lessons everyday.
Do you know that when I came home, my daughter looked at me and said, "Mama your heart is heavy." and she is only 5.
How do I explain to her these horrible lessons without making her afraid of the world. Without her having to wonder does her best friend Andi think that she is less than because she wears her hair differently.
So this is my action plan. I am going to actively each month find a diverse paper crafter to write about. I am going to make it my business to find the woman who was in my class in Buffalo who was an amputee from the elbow down and ask her what has it been like for you? What are the obstacles that you face as an amputee as a person of color as a woman who wants to let her family know that they have a history that is just as important and relevant today as it will be tomorrow.
I was on the phone with a good friend today and she told me that it was time to let it go. It was time to tell you all what happened and why I had not blogged and get on with me living my life and share all the other wonderful things that have happened over the past few weeks because there are a bunch of them.
Here an excerpt from an Oprah show done back in October 2007 when Dr. Cosby, yes, and he earned those letters and don't you forget it, and Dr. Poussaint, the famous child psychologist from Harvard, when the world was upset that he was airing the "dirty laundry".
Trudy, who is white and says she lives in a predominantly white
community, asks about the use of the n-word in music her children
listen to. "It's not used in my home, I've never heard people in the
community use it, but yet all of the kids know it," she says. "All of
the white kids know it because of music and movies and they think it's
like no big deal." So what can Trudy tell them about using that word?
Dr. Poussaint says Trudy needs to be forceful in telling her children
what she thinks. "You tell them that it's a vicious, awful, demeaning
word that has led to the killing, lynching and the demoralization and
feelings of inferiority in black people—and that you can't make that
word positive," he says. "It really damages our children. … It's
damaging all the way through. You should never justify it."
Please don't apologize for her bad behavior. There is nothing that anyone can say to make that right.
I have not cried yet, I still think that I am angry and just refuse to vent that way but I have had others cry for me. I have reached out and I have been encouraged in ways that I did not think was possible.
To everyone who has listened and even to those who have pushed me to get this blog entry done (OK, Jen, dynamite was more like but I won't tell anyone).
To all of you who are now crying and felling my hurt and my anger, I love you like cooked food and don't let it get you stuck.
Don't let what she did change you either!!!
until we meet again,
