My Big Girl Moment in the Gym...

**** Warning Spew Alert****  **** Warning Spew Alert****

As y'all know, I have been going to the gym.  My trainer went to Africa to visit her family.  I finished out my sessions with another trainer and decided that I really needed to work out a plan that was going to show results.

Also Carol, the other trainer, basically said to me that I would never see results if I did not start keeping a food journal and start being accountable for what I eat.

So after my crazy month in July, I decided the other night to get on Jenny Craig.  I need help with portion control and I need help with keeping a food journal.  I would love to say that I am stronger than I am.  But when you need help, you just need help.

Anywho, I am taking to the gym in the morning after I drop off the kids to school.  I then will meet with the trainer for a good 30 minutes so that I can get some core training.  Plus my muscles are warm and I am really getting my money's worth now.

So, I am rushing to get the kids off to school and it is 8.29 AM when I get to class that starts at 8.30 AM. 

So now this is how my Fat Girl in the Gym Moment Goes:

Instructor: "OK Ladies, spread you legs shoulder width apart and lets do some squats"
Instructor: "When you get down on this second round, I want you to pulse it out for four"
Instructor: "Can you feel the burn??  I can't hear you Ladies,  Can you feel the burn??"

Class: "O Yeah, I feel the burn"

At this point, I am sweating like a stuffed pig, my legs are burning and the next thing I hear in the silence....

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR--IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII--PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Y'all the back of my pants split.  Now, I must admit at first I thought to myself...

OH NO THIS DID NOT JUST HAPPEN TO ME!!!  THAT MUST HAVE BEEN SOMEONE ELSE.

So I go back down for another count of four.  At this point, reality has set in and I realize that...

YES I DID SPLIT MY PANTS!!!!

Y'all I put my hand in the back of my ass and felt flesh...  DO YOU HEAR ME... FLESH!!!

I realized at that point being in the front of the class was not a good thing.

It was like those cartoons when the fat person gets into a pair of pants that do not fit and when they bust, all the fat just pours out in large ripples of earth shattering unattractive flab.

Now, this is the point where everyone, who really knows me, asks the question mind you through their gut retching laughter...

"Lauren, did you have on a thong???" 

Let me say this... that was not the most of my worries, but to answer the question "NO!!"

And I am not sure why, because y'all know that I love my TDAONG-TDAONG-TDAONGS.

Now, back to my story...

I bust out laughing.  I mean like someone just told me the funniest thing in my life.  I could not believe it.  I just could not stop laughing. And all the people behind me are laughing because apparently, they already knew that I busted a hole in my pants and I had just realized it and they stopped to laugh AT me and my surprise.

Instructor: "Lauren what is so funny?"

I turn around and with my best bend snap and press, show her my ass.

She is in such shock that she falls off the stage.  And now the whole class is in stitches.

I tell them, I have to go and I will be right back.  I run home, get another pair of pants. And return to class to finish my workout.

I meet with my trainer who through the grapevine has heard that I busted out of my pants. 
Just so that y'all know, I am motivated... 

until we meet again,

Comments

[Debbie]

Oh my GOODNESS....I am laughing so hard! Mark said, at least you did not pee yourself! You are wonderful! ripped pants and all.

[Lauren Ferguson-Nwachukwu]

Debbie,

I am so glad that I have a sense of humor. I have to admit that I have never laughed so hard AT myself.

love ya like cooked food.

Lauren

[destry]

Oh. My. God. Lauren, that is THE funniest thing I think I have ever heard.

You know what I love about you? I love that you went right back to the gym.

Most people would have had to cancel their membership.

I'm still laughing.

You are the best!

Destry

[Lauren Ferguson-Nwachukwu]

Destry,

They ripped to the elastic. I am so surprised that the legs did not fall off. Thank god for elastic.

love ya like cooked food.

Lauren

[Amy Wood]

And I thought that I could not laugh any harder at you. I just cannot believe that you did not have your thong on. As a close friend I personally have seen your ass more times than I care to count. I am soo glad that you are now sharing it with others.

Love Ya!
Amy

[Bethanne Black]

Lauren! Girl, I about wet my pants yesterday morning after getting your text message about this. Then to talk to you "live" on the phone was even funnier, hearing you describe it to me. And the best part was seeing you at the gym last night in Group Step, working hard. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU, GIRL! DO YOU HEAR ME? You are back in the saddle and kicking butt. Proud to know you and excited that I'll have my gym buddy back with me. You rock!

Go get 'em, girl!

Love, Bethanne

[niki]

Thanks for the spew alert!

I cannot believe you turned around and showed her your ass too! Thanks for the good laugh. It was wonderful to meet you at CHA.

[Julie]

You had me at "bend and snap"! Hilarious!!

[Scooter]

You really know how to paint a mental picture!!!

[Julie Camacho]

Oh my gosh!!! I don't even know you and I have tears streaming. You handled yourself so well. Sounds like the instructor got the shock of her life!